yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
