Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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