Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
