The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
40s are totally the cure
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
