im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
