To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
