You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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