I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
