its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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