after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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