I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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