my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
