Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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