remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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