12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
