Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
