my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
