either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
