For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
