I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
