After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
