You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
