btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
