I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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