Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you made out with another girl for some wings
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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