john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
