he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we're so committed to being not committed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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