Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
