before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
