i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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