I smell stomach acid.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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