Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
