Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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