Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
