mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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