hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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