Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
