the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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