omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I deserve this hangover.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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