sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize