My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
