Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
