i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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