last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
