some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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