Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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