i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
