my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
