She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
