your room smells of hookers.
And success
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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