final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My dick has a subreddit
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
