He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
