Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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