I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
