2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
