Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
