We're like a lot better than the average bears
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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