your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
