Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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