he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
