I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
