Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
