it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you. Go after that dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize