Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
