I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
