i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
