Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
