How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
