9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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