I think my vagina is haunted
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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