Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
